Ah.  I have graduated.  Not a big deal for me, but I get presents.  Cool in an uber-materialistic way. 

I've been bored, and not in the mood for talking to girls, so I've been browsing chadzboyz.  There's some new galleries from when I last looked.  And some of those guys are hot.  Some just have poses I want to model.  But that's me.  Lol and I'm going to college in Dallas, the biggest modeling/theatrical center in Texas I'm aware of.  Now, if only I had a chance...

I seriously am going to try out for plays in college.  Right after I get an earring, get my body waxed, an find another guy who would actually enjoying doing it with me (modeling, gutter-brains).

I'm probably going to confuse and piss the hell out of any guy I try to date.  I'll want to flirt all the time, but I'm definitely not ready to have sex.  I don't see how any other guy I might meet would feel the same way, actually, without being as hardcore Christian as me, and since I'm the only Christian I know who....I dunno, is way different....then he'd feel awkward and uncomfortable even flirting and making physical contact.  So I don't know how it will go.

Yes, yes, I might be ready by the time I actually get to college.  Here, let me help you with that: no.  I won't.  I won't even begin the process to 'getting ready' until I'm faced with it as a possibility, so fear not, I won't be ready.

I kind of wish I was out for a great number of reasons, but here's one that drives me nuts: I'm sick of girls flirting w/me.  I mean, it's cool that they think I'm hot (how come no guys do?  aaahhhh!) and, as it happens, I'm either egomaniacal enough or self-confident enough to agree, but flirting with them....gets old.  Actually, I guess it's not flirting (oh, a heavy blow to my ego) so much as it is just talking with them.  That's ok and all...nice to be able to chat....but how come guys don't do that?  It would be nice to chat with some guys for a while.  There's one guy I talk to a lot, and he's amazing and my best friend, but he's the island in my life of drama-prone girls.  And drama-prone girls aren't the sea I want to drown in.  <<<--- Now that sounded emo, but it was actually meant as a joke.

I kind of want to curse my father for my genetics (they're straight from him).  I have a short, stocky, wrestler build.  Benefits: I'm insanely strong, most guys feel I can beat them up (and I feel I can beat most guys up) so when I come out that'll be cool, I don't really work out and yet am still somewhat muscular, and....my no. 1 favorite....I'm short.  Drawbacks: I have a wide body--not front to back, but side to side.  Muscular wide, but I'll always be stocky never just small, which in my opinion is so much hotter.  I can work out, and work off the extra 3 lbs of fat I have on my stomach, but then I'll get muscular/buff.  And I don't like the whole massive muscle array that my body type allows for.  I'd much, much rather be capable of working out to get a torso like this.  And my hips are, like, huge.  I definitely have a big butt.  Muscular, but still a lot to grasp there.  It's another wrestler thing.  And I like the slimmer butt look.  In this picture, I have like the thigh structure of the guy on the far left, but envy (so much!) the guy on the right in front.  Basically, I envy the guy in the first pic too for the same reason.  Slimness is hot.  And, I'm very very very afraid, unworkable with my body type.  Hence my resentment against my genes.  Oh, and if any kind of body-trainer is reading this and maybe knows a way to work different muscles and hopefully get the lean rather than muscular look, PLEASE let me know.  At least I'm short though.  Oh, another thing about my genetics?  I'm hairier than some monkeys I've seen.  Hence my desire to get my body waxed.  Uber-testerone, in a wrestler way.  But hey, that's life.